I’ll just let it be. I suppose. I mean. I don’t really even think of you when I hear that one song anymore.
The first boy to buy me breakfast killed himself in April & I just found out because I realized I hadn’t heard from him in awhile. As I clicked on his profile to send a msg I saw the posts. So many posts blending together. My heart sank into my stomach. I guess there isn’tContinue reading “I guess there isn’t an algorithm for that.”
Adjust your eyes to the brightness. The breaks are cold. You walking through the hall in your pajama bottoms, wondering if I’ve moved at all. (I have not. I don’t know what to do.) Anxiously. I should get out more. But I think I’ll just eat a cheeseburger. Apply for some jobs. Chew some moreContinue reading “Nicotine free”
Merry Christmas. It’s been a terrible year. & I gave myself champagne & antihistamines. I dont want to listen to your bullshit anymore. & I’d rather ring in the new year the way I should have in 2020. Ignoring your existence.
It didn’t excite me like it usually does. I’m not buying a celebratory cake. I’m less optimistic than I was 4 years ago on this day. & definitely more incredulous. I voted for Joe Biden because even if it doesn’t matter, my opinion does. & it doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else. JustContinue reading “IVoted2020”
I forgot to tell you. I turned off all my social media notifications. I much prefer screaming into a void to the tune of a symphony for a crater, then catching up on the commentary. I’ve never been a performer, I just want to capture things. Sometimes it’s my face. Or half of. Or myContinue reading “Natural History”
I guess they wanted to hear about how terrified I was, waking up in a fog the next morning, struggling my way out of the waterbed as I realized my nose felt broken. & I was naked. Alone. In a city I didn’t know. With no friends. I got in my car and drove throughContinue reading “Always a bridesmaid”
Everything takes twice as long. 11:11 feels longer than a minute. Everyone is impaired. Foggy. Raw. Sensitive. I am not Kate Bush. & my voice is shaking. Sneaking side eyes & trying to remember to breath. Or feel. Something or anything. Everything. Nothing. I feel, staring at walls. He said he didn’t see you. ButContinue reading “This state we’re in.”
Dec 8 2019 Watched Logan’s Run for the first time & I have so many thoughts. Like: Why do they live in a mall?& what was the point?Why do the people who help them run not run themselves?Who is passing out these Ankh keys???They have teleportation Tinder but their cars are basically rollercoasters?Why can’t LoganContinue reading “Logan. Meh.”
I’d like to workflow the ways in which boys have made me want to puke. this thing feels more than. It’s definitely not that. Maybe it’s that. My insides feel weird.
The drafts & trash bin are my real diary. So rarely published. Or reviewed. My words annoy me. So, I get it. I feel neurotic when I’m at my best. & I think you have a complex. Just remember to let it go. She should be nicer. More present. Tonight I played my flute. InContinue reading “Save draft”
& I have been busy. Kind of. Mostly, I’ve been watching a lot of Quantum Leap. See here: Mayday. Or find me being a lady troll on FB and Instagram.
Things I have given myself over the past year for my birthday because I am incredibly fortunate & have a beautiful life despite us all being doomed sooner or later: Freedom from the corporate worldGlossierA legit corset.Plants. A subscription to nicotine gum.Fuck Trump LipstickChocolate brown hair dye.Green hair.Pink hair. New tweezers. A strawberry dress. HappyContinue reading “Happy Birthday”
As an adult, I learned English was my mom’s second language.& that living through Chicano history in San Antonio was complicated for a girl wanting to fit in. She never talked to me Spanish. I was an Oswalt, not a DeLeon. I wouldn’t be made fun of for my accent or the way I pronouncedContinue reading “& Maybe I’ll finish learning spanish now. “
HERES TO YOU On day three of deliver-everything-self-quarentine, I traumatized the pizza delivery driver. Apparently they are leaving pizzas on wrapped present boxes at your door when you click the no contact delivery option. I have been waiting for this moment for years. I don’t have to put on pants. My dogs won’t go crazyContinue reading “Here’s to you.”
(she did not make bread today; there was no flour.)
Seitan & Noodz.
BUT HEAR ME OUT. Democracy is arguably as destructive as Socialism. A musing.
Apparently it’s that easy. I’m very tired & I just close my eyes. After serious talks about passive aggressiveness. Feeling off. It’s no secret it was. After sleeping on it though, I think it gets better. Because a lot of it made sense. And I think I am. & I mumble.