Ok. I have now watched the GOT finale twice, with multiple stops and pauses for me screaming at my TV. & I have a lot to say. I present the following for your viewing/reading pleasure (because I can’t be in everyones living room screaming at the TV; & also Defensive Driving videos are really really boring & I’m unemployed.)
//////////////////////’Game of Thrones’ finale recap: Season 8, Episode 6, ‘The Iron Throne’//////////////////////
In case you forgot: Dany has just flown a sweet dragon zig zag around Kings Landing killing lots of people & fucking shit up while finally destroying the Lannisters. Greyworm is executing the last of some really fucked up, evil people.
John, always a second guessing softie (it will be his demise) says to Greyworm: Um, can you not execute those people? They’ve suffered enough.
Greyworm: Why do you care again? They were rapists and murders, remember? It’s trial by Dragon now. Sentenced to death. I’m swinging the sword myself.
Open to— Tyrion has managed to find the exact spot that the rubble buried his brother and sister. He holds Jaime’s gold thumb & weeps. Dudes looking rouuuuuuuugh. But not like vengeful rough, just like “oh shit, my shitty family that made fun of me for my differences and kind, nerdy heart died together because of their incest that caused the entire realm to be threatened not only by magic zombies but also a CIVIL WAR.”
The tears successfully brainwash the entire seven kingdoms & the audience into forgetting that Tyrion Lannister is kind of terrible. He has been campaigning for someone to kill his sister. And before that murdered his dad. And probably did have something to do with Joffrey. Why are casualties at the expense of his altruism any different than those of Dany’s? Doesn’t this make him the driver of the wheel? I digress as apparently no one gives a fuck anymore.
Dany is all hyped up in front of her army giving a speech. She promotes Greyworm but he looks kind of sad about it. I can’t help but wonder if he wanted freedom.
Tyrion comes to stand with Dany, but he throws a fit in which he quits his job & once again proves he sucks at diplomacy by telling the world she “slaughtered a city” as if these aren’t the normal spoils of any war. *Serious note: Any other leader in this show would have beheaded someone right then and there without a second thought for the kind of disrespect Tyrion showed to her authority without a blink of an eye. She chose restraint & Tyrion is held in a nice cozy bedroom instead of a cell in the dungeon.
Jon watching Dany walk away: “I’m really turned on but also kind of scared of powerful women.”
Arya (a trained killer): She knows your secrets and you should kill her…
Tyrion, in his cozy bedroom, to Jon: This bitch is gonna kill me. Oh btw, remember you were really really dead and came back after being shot through the heart by an arrow. Can you teach me that trick? Apparently it only works for male characters that end up actually not being that important to the story at all so I think I’ve got a good chance at this.
Tyrion: Would you have done it?
Tyrion: Burned the city down?
Jon: Dude, stop exaggerating.
Tyrion: I know you love her, I loved her too. But my heart is broken right now because my family is dead and this is a black and white situation, pick a side NOW.
Jon: I don’t wanna.
Tyrion: Muuuuuuurrrrrrder her. It’s for the good of myself, err, I mean the kingdom.
Jon: You’re trippin’.
Tyrion: She’s gonna kill yo’ family bro. She knows who you are. WHO YOU REALLY ARE. Didn’t Arya already tell you this? Come to the dark side.
Jon: You’re smoking crack, DANY’S NOT EVEN MAD! She’s just kind of exhausted. It’s been a hell-of-a-week for us.
Door slams. He leaves and it cuts to Dany standing in front of the iron throne, reflecting on what a piece of shit it really is. & how nothing is as it seems. This is also the only truly tragic foreshadowing of the whole damn story that was done beautifully.
She sees Jon and looks proud, happy.
John, upset at her for killing Lannister soldiers without telling him first, emotionally gaslights her when she tries to explain how Cersei used people against her because ITS HER WEAKNESS and asks John to reflect on how he’s treated others when he’s had to make split decisions. (It’s the real point of this all.)
Dany: The world we build won’t be built by men & mercy. (*PREACH! It will be built by women & compassion!)
Jon: You’re crazy.
Dany: No, I’m not. I’m a good person. You’re a good person. We can do this together. Help me.
Jon, succumbs to peer pressure and distracts her with his tongue while he murders her.
Drogon shows up to the party late.
Drogon: Oh hey guys, what’s going on here…. you murdered my mom? You’re like my dad. Or my Uncle. I’m not really sure anymore but WTF. This is messed up. How could you do that? I’m so so mad at you. Ugh.
*BURNS DOWN IRON THRONE*
(Because apparently Drogon majored in politics & self control. & has A CREEPY HAND THAT CAN GENTLY SCOOP UP A HUMAN.)
*serious: I am pretty sure the look Dany gives the iron throne in this scene is not one of longing to sit on it but rather inspirational to her decision to ask Jon to rule with her. And I cry every time Drogon picks her up and carries her away. Because it is tragic that we will never truly know what kind of ruler she would be.*
Drogon flies off to eat Dany in peace. I don’t blame him, he looks hungry.
Some time passes, but not a lot apparently. Just enough to teleport everyone to a council meeting in the fighting pits.
Sansa, sitting at the head of the table of the cool kids now whines about them locking up the guy guilty of murdering the Queen who murdered a Queen. Yara tells her to sit down & shut up.
Davos has a brilliant idea for everyone to start their own houses. Because DAMN THE MAN & apparently its not that hard.
Everyone laughs at what a stupid idea that is as Tyrion says the problem was just that the last guy kind of sucked and asks Greyworm not to kill him.
Greyworm, easily persuaded, agrees not to kill Tyrion. While the council talks about themselves for awhile, Tyrion, the imp, dubs Bran, the broken.
& Um, ehhh…. just Bran is ok.
Sansa, confirming she’s a bitch, puts Bran in a weird spot too by basically telling him she’ll do whatever she wants & retain control of the north (didn’t we just find out what happens when people like that rule?)
Bran, finally awake: Ok, I guess.
Podrick is promoted to wheel pusher as everyone leaves the meeting & then it’s finally the end of this.
It’s montage time? Ok. We see:
JON waking up with a mean hangover acknowledging how fucked up last night was to himself.
GREYWORM on a boat is on his way to Narth in a truly heartfelt moment. I think.
JON says goodbye. First to Sansa, who is seeking forgiveness for fucking up Jon’s life. Jon’s eyes suspiciously say, “What exactly are you sorry for?” She tries to explain by saying she’s sorry she ruined his chance at being King. He gives her some *serious side eye* while Arya puts on the face of herself as a child. And Jon reminds her of who she is. (<—This was cool.) Jon, kneeling in front of Bran apologizes to Bran for not being there when he was needed, which is like, totally not even his fault but whatever. He’s a cancer. Bran dozes off to sleep while Jon teleports to the wall. There were no horns sounded when he approached. The door of Castle Black swings shut behind him like a casket.
BRIENNE the most honorable character of the whole fucking show, is in Kings Landing writing a revisionist history of Jamie Lannister’s life in the Kingsguard book. She’s still thinking about that dick. Literally. Fade to… disappointment.
TYRION’S first big meeting of their new council in the quickly rebuilt throne room. After a game of musical chairs, they waste the whole damn time talking about this stupid book that Sam brings. Of the show we just watched. Because that hasn’t been done before. Ever.
BRAN points out that they have some job openings for a war monger and whisper of secrets.
Everyone agrees with him. & now the REAL end of the show.
Oh wait. no.
There’s still more.
——kill me now Jon Snow, like you killed Dany——
It’s another montage ending.
Jon Snow looks like a lonely, broken man driven further north by his regrets and his past.
The show tries to end where it began north of the wall, in the forrest, with the free folk– but it couldn’t even get that right. And it feels all wrong.
I loved it.
A+. Will watch again. Maybe someday.